quidditchgrrl

First, ILU guys, you make me feel like a million bucks!  *smooches*

Second, I'm spending most of my online time working on job hunting.  Actually, all of my time.

Third, I totally get what you said about breaking up with your job, mostcurious.  I'm so done.  Just, done.  I have to go to work and smile and pretend that nothing is wrong, when all I want to do is cry and rage and spit.

( This is kind of stuff I'm dealing with )

I just want out.  I applied for 54 jobs yesterday, 19 today.  I'll be sending paper resumes out tomorrow for another.  Please please please let me get what I want...I hate feeling like I'm never going to find that elusive "good fit" job, or that I'll keep running into the 3-year blahs.

My current song just came on, and...*orders Girls Just Want to Have Fun from Amazon*

Aaaaah - I hate feeling this this.  Bleh!  I want to feel good again!  I want to run because I want to, not just to stay sane.  Maybe I should start marathon training *dies laughing*

Oh, I know nearly everyone is super-into Twilight, but I tried again this weekend and...nothing.  Not even RPatt as...the dude...could get me interested.  Sigh.  Sometimes, I wish I had enough of an attention span to concentrate on fads, TV shows and stuff!  But then I remember, there's always US Weekly and People.  And Harry Potter.  :-)

One of these days I'll post a light-hearted, happy entry.  Hopefully one that details my new job!

<3 to you all, because reading LJ is something good I can do every day.

Before teh emo: Happy birthday, snoopypez! :)

I think, rather than being depressed, I'm just suffering from a change in the way my body manifests PMS.

Because I was okay for the past couple of weeks, and now I want to curl up into a ball and moan for a week or so.

Work: position descriptions are changing, which means a new job title for me. It might be more money, and more variety of positions supervised, but probably the end of professional development. Sigh. Time to start looking for a new job Y/N?

We hit a million check-outs about 6:45 tonight, three weeks earlier than last year. 125% increase in circulation since 1995 (meaning the annual circ is 125% of what it was in 1995) with ZERO increase in staff. Hey, who cares if the staff is hollow-eyed automatons? Smile, dammit!

New second job/position is going well. Place is filthy, but everyone seems patient. Building-wide cleaning is Saturday, and after that I'll have a better idea of where to start the deep clean. The people who were cleaning before me cleaned out the place; they even took a measurement/substitution card from the kitchen. Strange.

Why do people write insincere thank you notes? I got a thank-you card from a recently retired staff member. A lot of the time I've pulled together a card, gift collection and going-away party at the last minute, which is perfectly okay. Saying thanks is nice, but I don't get upset if it doesn't happen. Leaving me a note with several backhanded compliments is just mean, period. I got along okay with this staff member, I don't think she truly liked me very much, but it stung. Maybe I'm just being oversensitive.

Time to sleep, Keith Olbermann is on!

I am consistently amazed at how quickly my husband can suck the happiness out of anything. Grump.

So, I've been browsing Myspace.

I found:
My first "real" boyfriend (which made me laugh as he has not aged well, though the cool is still there)
My best friend from high school (which made me cry something fierce and I wish I could call him without his wife going psycho)
Several people I graduated with, one of whom is a lesbian (which makes sense, looking back)
A girl I was in Rainbow with, who has grown from a waif into a stunningly gorgeous woman

It's interesting how many people have Myspaces with nothing blogged on them. What's the point? There must be porn attached to having a Myspace, or something.

Also, spent a couple of hours chatting with chickadilly, which kept a lot of the tears at bay. I was checking into flights to Tampa today...but I just couldn't bring myself to think about the possibility. I'm just praying that redblaze keeps her fighting spirit.

Sorry to those of you not used to my angst. It's the distance - Florida is a damn long way away when a friend is seriously ill.

Hugs and love to:
rachet
photosenesis
didi75 (hit the coffee shop, for your own sanity!)
avidbeader *gentle hugs*
courtney_beth (hopefully going to TCR helped!)
And anyone else who may be in need...*hugs*

Well, I didn't get the job. :(

Got a nice ego boost, however, from their HR person (who used to work in Circ and with whom I'm acquainted), who said he wanted to call me personally to let me know how well I interviewed and what a glowing report I received from the two folks I interviewed with. They didn't go into second interviews, even.

I was "strongly encouraged" to apply for future jobs at CML that I might be interested in. Sadly, the job I interviewed for is the only one I want!

(The reason I'm rather flattered and not crushed is that said HR person is notoriously hard to impress, and is the kind of person who won't give you the time of day unless he thinks you're "someone." To get anything other than a business-as-usual-thanks-for-your-time floored me, to be honest. He was gushing. So, at least I can rest assured that I made a good impression on the people who counted!)

Hopefully he wasn't BSing me. Oh, well. Everything happens for a reason!

Thanks for all the good vibes!

I really hate TurboTax. It's trying to tell me I owe $2100, even after my deductions. AND I already paid my 10% from cashing out my IRA to pay my medical expenses. AND you can't take your student loan interest deduction if you're married filing separately.

RAR. HAAAATE.

This caps the shittiest day I've had for a while. I won't detail aside from saying:

family + pissy Honeybunch + church people + Cracker Barrel/(hair dyeing debacle * poorly thought out trimming) = le SUCK

But hey! It's not snowing! This is a very good thing.

I think I will attempt to cheer myself up by watching TDS/TCR clips and reading some fanfic. *nods*

To go completely to the other side of happy, random thoughts:

Does the idea of Exxon posting a $11 BILLION dollar profit last quarter make you feel ill? I'm having a hard time containing my disgust for the oligarchy right now, especially after watching the video for "Wake Me Up When September Ends" and fighting tears. Again. (I hate that song, just for that reason.)

I have to echo Honeybunch on his sentiments on The Constant Gardener: I can't say I liked it, but it was a great movie. Gave more vent to that feeling of disgust.

At times I wish I could be oblivious. That way I'd never feel compelled to read the newspaper or online articles, or volunteer to help people who need it. Having said that, reading the Faith and Values section of the Dispatch has given me some new hope for middle-American church values. Take off that WWJD bracelet and start doing it (without complaining, kthx).

Angst brought to you by the letters P, M and S.

I am angry like whoa. It's not going to do me any good to scream and yell at my husband (note that he is IN TROUBLE when I go from Honeybunch to MY HUSBAND).

( So, kind reader, I must rant to you )

I know it sounds bitchy, but I, the original shopaholic, can keep myself under budget. If he can't, we're going to have more WORDS.

Not going to HPHP - sticking around to shop and hang with rlanto. Sephora! :D

Not going to the Columbus line party for GoF - will be in Pittsburgh with silverbookworm and zsazsa101. Whee!

I have made a decision regarding my future, and I am so relieved. I'm looking forward to a time when I can see my husband more than a few days a month. Think I'm kidding? The entire month of November will net us a grand total of 1 full day to be together - November 20. Oh, and Thanksgiving too, with his family.

Must sleep. Must sleep. Must sleep. Night.