(no subject)

[quidditchgrrl]

*examines belly button*

I have made a decision on something that's been at the back of my mind for a while now.

Or, more precisely, hanging off the front of me.  I'm going to get a tummy tuck.

I am so sick of looking like shit in all of my clothes, working out 10-12 hours a week and still watching skin bouncing around in the mirror with every move I make.  My abdominal muscles are extremely strong, and I actually have contour, but you would never be able to tell by looking at me.  It's disheartening to be able to run 10 miles, but look as though I never get off the couch.

Right now, I look like that most despised of women, the girl who has Let Herself Go.  I'd like the opportunity to look normal, for the first time in my life.

It's been a bit of a depressing process, most especially since my doctor seems to think that simply losing more weight would take care of the problem, when in actuality, my losing more weight has made the ugliness even more noticable. (My surgical scar is vertical, and my stomach curves inward toward that midline.  Gross.)

Once I've got the money, it's going to happen, to save my mental health.  I hate that I can't be happy with what I have, to feel lucky and grateful that I'm alive/healthy, and I hate that I feel worse now - mentally - than I ever did when I was obese. 

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

*returns to contemplating navel*

Comments

[poconell.livejournal.com]

Good for you! Why shouldn't you do something just for yourself? Whose body is it anyway?

Congratulations!

And thanks for the nudge. I'm not ignoring it, I'll post something today!

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Hope you've been doing well. :)