I'm in love with your ghost

[quidditchgrrl]

Er, sorry about my last cryptic posts. I haven't been in the mood to enumerate the various bad things that have happened recently. Add the below to a raging case of PMS, and yeah. Cryptic.

After much ruminating on the year anniversary of Katrina and all of the people still suffering, I have to say to myself: don't get too comfortable with the little inconveniences of life - you know where your family is, and you can go to the space you call home.

Here's the last three months of my life, in a nutshell, cut for the disinterested and for length:



Work: We have a new building manager, who is, in her own words, "a bull in a china shop." It's been at times wonderful (if we're really behind, she issues orders for other departments to help shelve/check in reserves) and horrible (telling our staff to "smile, dammit").

I've also been feeling that I'm at the end of my useful life in my position. Because we're both insanely busy and grossly understaffed, I've been working the desk 10-15 hours a week. We're gearing up for a remodel and restructuring of how we "market" books, and I need to be out in the stacks helping and analyzing, shifting and planning. Nothing is worse than going out to the shelves to find things completely changed, or shelvers coming back confused - and I have no idea what's going on. It's been a struggle to find time to do even mundane things like check email or write evaluations, much less offer coaching and training to new staff. I've been leaning heavily on my more senior staff, and bless them, they've taken the reins with nary an arched eyebrow.

Several people also emailed me about a position that opened up at another local library, and I would have applied if two of our "desirable turnovers" weren't currently working there. I'd hate to have to deal with them again, and they really deserve to suck at their job without me chasing them around.

I'd love to find another library job that I could come in, streamline and improve processes, and then leave happy. I really need to take some HR courses.

But...





I can't do anything school-wise until we have our taxes straightened out. This has been the crux of most of my blues. Honeybunch is a courier, and he is paid without taxes deducted. Because of this, he owes back taxes. He didn't file in 2004 or 2005. Whenever I asked about it, he'd get pissy and refuse to talk about it. And I couldn't file my 2005 taxes because if you are married and don't file jointly, you can't take your student loan deduction. So, he talked me into giving him my tax information to give to the guy who works with his boss' accounts. Then, nothing. Still, nothing. I file for an extension. Nothing. Every time I'd mention it, increasingly panicked, I'd get an excuse - the accountant is sick, out of town, I didn't get to talk to him, ad infinitum. I can't file separately because all of my paperwork is with the accountant. The IRS sent Honeybunch a nasty letter telling him to file, NOW.

The worst about this is that my dad did something like this to my mom, hiding money and IRS trouble from her, so it hits a very strong chord with me that makes me insane. And worse, we really don't have the money to pay in a lump sum. So we are, how do you say, LE FUCKED.

The very last straw came when I asked HB if he'd heard anything about the taxes - the accountant had been in the office - and he asked why I needed to know what was going on. *headdesk madly* Talk about violating the marriage contract. I seriously thought about just moving out at that point, because I was fast losing perspective on why I married this man. One of the reasons I decided to go to Vegas was to get away from HB for a while, and I didn't miss him for one minute while I was gone.

In addition to our money woes, there's the car:

I think I mentioned back in March that Honeybunch's car blew its transmission. Well, we're STILL working with one car. STILL. Sometimes my husband displays such poor judgment, it's unbelievable - 99% of the time he's the most straight-shooting person, but then...

Instead of following my instinct and talking to my dad (who knows every mechanic in a three-state area, it seems), Andy's boss talks him into turning the car over to a friend of a friend - which violates the two-removed rule of favor-asking. Yeah, this guy, once he got the $750 for the transmission, has been sitting on the damn thing since. It got to the point where Honeybunch had to call and threaten to call the police if his phone call wasn't returned.

The guy's wife called back. :) Then we got action, and the car was here in less than two weeks. Unfortunately, the guy BLEW THE ENGINE on the way down. So, back it went.

We'll be lucky to get the damn thing back by Christmas. And if my car lasts through Honeybunch's driving, it'll be a miracle. I've had to keep up with the maintenance on the car, and do preventative maintenance because HB will drive the damn thing dry of oil before he'd think to change the oil in MY car. He drives my car like it's a rental, which pisses me off every time he takes me somewhere. So, like, every damn day.



Things are looking up at the moment.

I sat HB down and told him, in no uncertain terms, that I couldn't go on like this. If he couldn't get his side of things together, and keep me updated, our relationship would be over.

Right now, we know what we owe for 2005, and the accountant is working HB's 2004 numbers to see what he can do. The numbers are MUCH lower than we'd anticipated. We'll get our own accountant and set up quarterly payments from now on.

I have another possible job opportunity coming down the pike which will certainly help to get the bills paid down and us on a track to more solvency. HB can help, and if I'm tapped for two responsibilities - it'll be service and double the money.



Thanks to those of you who've heard bits and pieces of these things and offered sympathy and support. It means a lot when you can't go to your family.

I'm so happy to see all of the wonderful things that are happening to people on my flist. New cars, babies, jobs, interviews, decorating, houses. To those of you who are having some angst, you have my sympathy and lots of positive vibes headed your way *eyes merrydrought and blue_eye*

Finally, I've been under a small hiatus on news this past week (this is why I've been less responsive lately, authenticpoppy) - I was getting to the point where I couldn't listen to NPR news without my chin wobbling. The Harry Connick, Jr. single had me flat-out bawling last night, after listening to an interview with a man in NO who is sharing a small trailer with two other men, and who doesn't know where his father, brothers, or 6 year old daughter are. My problems? Not so bad.

Comments

[instantramen]

I'm so glad things are starting to look up and hope they continue in the same direction.

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[abigail89.livejournal.com]

Dang, I guess I've missed a few posts.

Good on you! You've really taken the bull by the horns and gotten it done, ya know? You gotta pay taxes, and trying to run from the Tax Man just ain't productive. I really would rather you NOT go to jail. Or Honeybunch.

But I'm glad things are looking up for you. *hugs

[tonksnymphadora.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It is hard to be married. You have to share your life with someone.

[tonksnymphadora.livejournal.com]

Sorry, hit the enter button. Sometimes it is hard to even live with a cat and share your life with an animal. But there are some lines that just shouldn't be crossed. Taxes are pretty hard to confront. And the IRS can be really scary. But it needs to be done. Even if it takes a bad fight, it could be REALLY bad if thsi doesn't get sorted.

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Yes, money is #1 on the list of things that will drive a wedge into a marriage faster than you can say IRS.

We had the fight, and I told him straight out that if he didn't get things sorted immediately and keep me updated, we couldn't be together anymore. All I need is the numbers, then we can move forward.

To his credit, he really stepped up to the plate and has gotten things together. We have one number, which is about $5K less than we expected :D and are just waiting to hear about 2004's numbers. I don't know why he stuck his head in the sand over this - it's not like it was going to go away.

I never thought the way I felt would change, but add the IRS to any equation and it's a recipe for disaster. Luckily, disaster has been averted! :)

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Honestly I haven't really mentioned much about this stuff - too depressing!

Now that we have the numbers in order, all we have to do is set up a payment plan and take care of it. I can't imagine why he thought this would all just go away. The IRS doesn't mess around!

[twistedrecesses.livejournal.com]

It's wonderful to see that you're working to institute positive change and not, like Honeybunch, hiding from it. Very well done on your part. I hope things pick up quickly in everything else.

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I hope you get things back on track, too - I know how frustrating family can be (happily, my family has been quite sane lately), not to mention les hommes.

*hugs*

[tonksnymphadora.livejournal.com]

Note to myself. Never post while on percocet LOL. I read your post and assimilated half of it. I am so sorry. I am glad however things are moving along. archchancellor does head in sand thing sometimes. It is a bit annoying.

[thalialunacy.livejournal.com]

:squidges:

I'd use my icon of Stephen kissing Jon at the Emmys, but I've reached my 134 max. >.>

[twistedrecesses.livejournal.com]

Thank you

*more hugs*

[allichan.livejournal.com]

That's my favorite Indigo Girl's song. =) By far!

Sorry about your troubles but at least it seems like some of them are on the way to being mended.

[nsmom.livejournal.com]

I'm glad there is a light.

*hugs*

[didi75.livejournal.com]

Ugh..so stressful. I'm glad you made some progress on the tax thing - it seems like that was the major problem. I hope it gets resolved quickly. As for the car, I can totally sympathize. Our car broke down the day before yesterday while I was driving it and I had to call a tow truck and take it to the mechanic. Major $$$! It was the timing belt, but we thought the engine might be in trouble too. I think it's okay for now. :/

*hugs* You seem like, overall, you know what you want job-wise. I hope you find it. I do think you will. |/b>

[didi75.livejournal.com]

Damn tags.

| | |

[annibug.livejournal.com]

Men and money. *le sigh*

[rachet.livejournal.com]

Oh honey. I am so so SO sorry for what's going on.

When I get back I want to take you to dinner, my treat! We'll invite Nancy and Lori and have a girl's night!!!! You deserve it!!!

[catsperspective.livejournal.com]

My husband and I might be doing well now, but believe me, we have been where you are now. Money is the root of almost all trouble with couples, and we were no different. Taxes have been another problem for us also. My husband does a lot of side computer work which means at the end of the year he gets a 1099 and we suddenly have to find everything we can to write off as much as we can. I am certainly not telling you what to do, but something our accountant suggested to us in the beginning that has helped us incredibly is to file single and zero at our places of employment. We then file married at the end of the year on our taxes. yes, it hurts like hell when we get our paychecks, but so far, we have never had to pay and aside from one year of paying estimated quarterly, we have never had to pay at the end of the year. In fact we have gotten very nice refunds. I realize his job does not hold out taxes, but you might want to consider it on your job. You could mention it to your accountant and see what she says.

My husband used to be very bad also with the "What she doesn't know will keep me out of trouble" attitude also. It never failed though, sooner or later I would find out just how badly we were doing and then a huge fight would happen. I am so sorry you are going through that also. It is very stressful. *hugs*

[blue-eye.livejournal.com]

Ack! Hiding stuff like thst is unacceptable! One thing that I am 90% sure is that the IRS will work with you on payments.

Thank you for your well wishes :-)

[azurerose.livejournal.com]

Nothing is worse than marrying a man and discovering he's an irresponsible child.

I, too, am dealing with crap like that, and have been since three weeks before the wedding (when I discovered he had nearly $10K on his credit cards, because he wouldn't pay the bill till they called and yelled at him, and his interest rates were 25% - on THREE cards). Then I found out that he was an independent contractor, too, next tax-time, and owed a TON for taxes. Money we didn't have, because I transferred his debt to my card with a very low interest rate, and we were doing our best to pay down that bill. He still doesn't think things like health insurance are important, and bitches about the amount taken out of my check. When I complain that he spends $30 at the dollar store, or buys things we don't need (and really can't afford right now), he snaps back with how he's making more money than I am, so I should look for a better job. Nevermind the fact that 1) I have been and 2) my job, tho aggravating, is becoming more reliable (and I do have the option for advancement there, apparently), whereas his jobs (two, both part-time, and low-paying because he does as little as possible at the one that taxes are paid for, and plays aikido teacher at the other as an independent contractor - argh, taxes. And we wouldn't even have working vehicles/auto insurance if it weren't for my dad.

So, yeah. More of a personal rant than "I completely understand what you're going through" would have been, but... you see I really DO get what you're going through, and completely sympathize.

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

That would be great, though I can pay my own way. Not that broke...yet!

And I'm much better company now that things are being looked after - amazing!

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the advice - we will certainly be exploring all of our options for saving tax money. The single file might be the best option.

I don't know why guys feel the urge to be all secretive about money issues - it was hell for the time I didn't know what was going on, I had every nightmare issue on the mind - and it's not nearly that bad.\

Men!

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

I know! It would have been SO much simpler to have just dealt with it right away. He almost cost us our marriage by sticking his head in the sand.

I've been much reassured by a)the amount we owe being much less than what I thought we owed and b)other folks' assurances that the IRS will work with us to get things in order (I mean, they want to get paid, eh).

It's like an anvil has been lifted from my shoulders.

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

The one thing I hate is that Andy doesn't have health insurance. I will be INSISTING that he get some as soon as we have a payment plan worked out with the IRS. If he were to be in an accident *shudder* we'd be ruined. My hospital bills were astronomical, and I spent no time in the ER or ICU. Your whole life can turn on a dime. Insurance may be a scam, but you have to have it.

It also jabbed my ass that the onus seemed to be on me to score a second job to help pay for his lack of lucrative employment. He likes his job, but it doesn't pay for shit. His boss does just enough to keep Andy placated (and only the stuff he can write off for the business). But if I do get this new job, it'll be $1000/mo and fairly easy; Andy can help, too. I'll find out Tuesday *hopes*

[authenticjoy.livejournal.com]

Arrrrgh. Geez. I wish we could take half of my husband and pastde his hed on YAY to other husband's heads with irresponsiblity. Mine is becoming the tightwad of the century and it's making me bonkers. I married the guy who forgot to pay his taxes for three years (I knew this then!) and now he panics about money on a regular basis. I'm the one telling him to relax.

I wish things didn't revolve around money so damn much. Unfortunately, they do. If we want to be comfortable and healthy, we need some sort of exchange system.

The IRS is a scary bunch and nothing to mess with. I'm glad that you've got things straightened out at least somewhat.

I'm moving on to the rest now. *iz slow*

Never worry about not reading my journal or responding. That's a guilt you don't need to have. Seriously. (I feel guilty as sin when I get way behind.)

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

I wish Andy would be a little more panicky about money. He seems to think that as long as I'm making enough money, he shouldn't have to worry about it.