I just went to the Circle K for some pop.

I hear a younger black girl (you know, sassy) ask a middle-aged black guy, "where do they sell Michigan stuff around here?"

"They sell it everywhere, honey," he answered.

"Oh good," she said, "because I'm looking for some baby wipes for my newborn."

OH HOLY GOD did we ALL crack up. The middle-aged guy was right along with us. The guy in front of me was practically crying with laughter.

The middle-aged guy said he hoped to see her again, and she told him they'd definitely see each other after the 17th so she could tell him about it again.

That made my night, right there.

*wheeze*

TDS's take on "the enemy of our enemy is our friend"?

That, my friends, is comic irony.

Surfing Fark provides all the amusement one needs on a Saturday night.

Well, all the amusement a person not able to drink can have.

First, Ten verses never preached on.  If only the Sunday school teacher had mentioned these, I might have been a believer.  Or not.

Second, The top 15 strangest coincidences.  As someone who experiences a lot of deja vu and coincidence, this is kind of cool.  I believe in the attraction of people and fate.

Anyone else think that Time's Person of the Year is super-lame?  Way to cop out, Time-Warner.  We all know it should have been Stephen Colbert!  But he just mattered.

Today I got a Holiday card from someone I am most CERTAINLY not friends with, nor will I ever be friendly with again.  It was like looking at a scar - you see the mark, but it doesn't feel like it happened to you, really. 

Here are the Top 50 Singles of 2006.  I'd say 99% of them are puke-worthy.  Though I do dig Gnarls Barkley and I love me some JT.  Shut up.

Ahahaha!  That Laffy Taffy song is on the list!  Can anyone tell me what the hell they mean by that?  I love misogynistic rap music as much as the next 'ho (as my addiction for David Banner's "Play" shows), but even I couldn't make that out.

I had a massage Friday - painful!  Even my facial muscles were sore; how is that possible?!  But I'm not sore at all today.  I could get used to that.

I'm tired.

Hope you're having a good weekend!

Whew. Home from rlanto's birthday party. Poor Renee. :( She is going to regret the night she had!

Darned lucky I didn't take pictures of her hurling in the bathroom. :> I am evil.

As soon as I left, I called Honeybunch and thanked him for the times he's taken care of my drunken butt. Although I think the funny part makes up for the puking and the name-calling and the hauling them upstairs, barefoot, reeking of vomit. Doesn't bother me.

I did get a couple of pictures, if I can figure out how to get them off of my phone and onto the internets. Nothing too risque cause generalmanda and rlanto kiss all the time, however.

Tomorrow, supper at my sister's house with her uber-religious in-laws. Although I like Easter (I know! I hate holidays!), I am not so much with the religious commercialization. Say no to crack Cadbury's Creme Eggs!

Hope you all have a fun Easter!

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again.

Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me:

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids'sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.

And finally...

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals...

For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on!

It's no wonder I've been a little spacey and off this week, littletort has stolen mah brain.

First, she posted this, which is the best STFU of the week.  We've all made faux pas, people.  Say sorry and move on, kthx.

Then, this.  Since I don't have an OTP, I don't need a shipper's pledge.  I reserve the right to pout if Harry and Ginny get together.  Ick.

I had a near-homicidal moment today getting my lunch, and littletort helpfully posted guidelines for eating at Subway.  These should be posted in every sandwich shop, next to the obligatory picture of Jared.  Or not.

Kristen, please return my brain as soon as possible.  I need it to keep the urge to kill in check for work.  :D

In other news, I'm not worried about frienditto - I am the most unwanky person ever.  And on the rare occasion I lock a post, it's locked up tight enough that I know those folks' home addresses.  I love LJDrama as much as the next person, but if you're stupid enough to give a random site your LJ name and password you do join frienditto, don't expect me to trust you with anything, ever.  'Nuff said.  :>

Randomly:  I am the only person in my age group who doesn't think the Killers are the best thing since sliced bread.  When I saw them a couple years ago, I thought they were okay, but man, now...I can't get away from them.  Yargh.

Spotted this meme, putting it under a cut: 

( Ten men I'd give it up for )

( Oh, and I could certainly be persuaded... )

*twitches*  I am hopped up on carbs and caffeine.  FEAR ME.  :>

Today I've had oatmeal, 1 1/2 bagels (one of those being a cinnamon crunch bagel from Panera :9), a Michelina's lasagna entree, 64396542500 Hershey kisses, 75236584684 conversation hearts, 2 Oreos, a handful of cheese balls, and 5 6 cans of diet soda.

*iiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeaaaa*  I would probably crash www.myfooddiary.com.  Muah.

This is the best I can hope for, since I can't drink anymore. 

( Things That Rock )

Since I'm halfway through my annual re-read of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I give to you:

The 11 Habits of Highly Effective Geeks

In case of terrorist attack!

*is weeping with laughter*

( ...who seems to think that having his 'nads grabbed for a few second is whinge-worthy. :D )

You know I loff you Damien! >:D< But you just can't work the reverse male theory in this venue. We women have cornered the market for physical suffering.