Swirling down the drain
May. 21st, 2008 03:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quidditchgrrlJust when I thought life might be looking up...(I know, oh god, here she goes again!)
Went to the optometrist this morning to check my contacts and have my eyes dilated. This morning, I'd had a lot of trouble reading out of my right eye. It seemed to have a film over it in some areas.
Why? I have developed leakages in my ocular blood vessels, especially near the optic nerve in my right eye. This explains the blurriness in the center of my visual field there (I could see the outer 1-2 letters on the chart okay, but not the middle 3-4). Right now, though, I can see just fine. Reabsorption, maybe? >.O
My opthamalogist had called twice this year to see if I wanted to come in...no, I told him, I don't think it's necessary. My diabetes is well under control, no problems. *headdesk*
I'm waiting for a callback, once they have the optometrist's results, so the opthamalogist can schedule me for tests.
I had an anxiety attack this morning too - I tend to have triggering nightmares, then wake up in the middle of an anxiety attack, which can turn into a panic attack if I don't hyperventilate myself and faint and come to again.
Most of the time they are about my mother, seeing her again, and having her turn to dust or disappear when I touch her. This time, the dream was about my youngest brother and his last two wives, where they were showing me around their town. One of my sisters-in-law opened the curtains in their house to reveal my youngest brother walking down the street, circa 1978. While it looked real (and I knew that it couldn't be, since he was there in real time with us), it wasn't. I kept saying, "it can't be, it can't be, it can't."
Then the window scene changed, and it was a crazy collage of my oldest brother's artwork (my oldest brother is/was a gifted musician/artist, but never did anything with it and almost seems quasi-ashamed of his talents) morphing around. I kept staring at it, and then it occurred to me that it meant he was no longer alive to keep it under wraps.
I woke up screaming and making the "whoop" noise I use to hyperventilate myself. I came to a few seconds after that and was able to convince myself that both of my brothers were still alive and that it didn't mean anything (these dreams never do).
Could someone please turn down the vacuum in this black hole? It's really starting to suck.
Went to the optometrist this morning to check my contacts and have my eyes dilated. This morning, I'd had a lot of trouble reading out of my right eye. It seemed to have a film over it in some areas.
Why? I have developed leakages in my ocular blood vessels, especially near the optic nerve in my right eye. This explains the blurriness in the center of my visual field there (I could see the outer 1-2 letters on the chart okay, but not the middle 3-4). Right now, though, I can see just fine. Reabsorption, maybe? >.O
My opthamalogist had called twice this year to see if I wanted to come in...no, I told him, I don't think it's necessary. My diabetes is well under control, no problems. *headdesk*
I'm waiting for a callback, once they have the optometrist's results, so the opthamalogist can schedule me for tests.
I had an anxiety attack this morning too - I tend to have triggering nightmares, then wake up in the middle of an anxiety attack, which can turn into a panic attack if I don't hyperventilate myself and faint and come to again.
Most of the time they are about my mother, seeing her again, and having her turn to dust or disappear when I touch her. This time, the dream was about my youngest brother and his last two wives, where they were showing me around their town. One of my sisters-in-law opened the curtains in their house to reveal my youngest brother walking down the street, circa 1978. While it looked real (and I knew that it couldn't be, since he was there in real time with us), it wasn't. I kept saying, "it can't be, it can't be, it can't."
Then the window scene changed, and it was a crazy collage of my oldest brother's artwork (my oldest brother is/was a gifted musician/artist, but never did anything with it and almost seems quasi-ashamed of his talents) morphing around. I kept staring at it, and then it occurred to me that it meant he was no longer alive to keep it under wraps.
I woke up screaming and making the "whoop" noise I use to hyperventilate myself. I came to a few seconds after that and was able to convince myself that both of my brothers were still alive and that it didn't mean anything (these dreams never do).
Could someone please turn down the vacuum in this black hole? It's really starting to suck.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-21 07:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-21 07:20 pm (UTC)*hugs*
And sorry about the eyes. You seem to be having it rough lately. Maybe that means the rest of the year is going to awesomely rock out of this world!!!
..yeah, I know. But, hey! It could happen.
*hugs again*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-21 07:20 pm (UTC)(((hugs)))
I'm thinking about you. The eyesight thing would hella bother me too.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-21 08:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-21 09:17 pm (UTC)