I am a fandom Secret-Keeper.

[quidditchgrrl]

I swore that when I entered the fandom proper, I would not get caught up in the treachery that has marred the HP fandom over the past couple of years. I would refuse to engage in the petty arguments and flame wars, and simply enjoy the fan fiction and witticisms that make being a fandom member enjoyable.

I should have known that the fandom imitates life. My personality has always been that of mediator. It's what I do - I tend to see both sides of a story, and think things through before I either act to bring the two sides to an agreement or decide that things are better left unsaid. No matter how many times I tell myself, 'you are not going to get involved,' I inevitably make friends on both sides of the line.

Maybe I should just choose an unusual pairing and be done with it. Padfoot/Narcissa, OTP!

I have never badmouthed anyone publically or privately in a manner that I would not present to them personally. There have been many times that I've felt that people were trying to get me to badmouth a friend to further their own aims, whether for ego-stroking or to be able to say that I choose sides. I call 'em like I see 'em, with a liberal dash of diplomacy across the top.

I don't worry too much about friends-protecting my posts or whether or not a post is friends-protected. If it's not in their favor to speak to me personally, I figure they have a reason not to do so. I'm infinitely paranoid, but I try not to let it keep me up nights. I'll probably be up half the night tonight, just wondering.

I have never lowered myself to being a tattle-tale. I don't tend to snark much, and I don't snark in private. If asked to keep something low-key or private, I do so. I'd expect that from anyone, and I don't resent that they expect it from me. A lot of what I say are simply verbal *pats* and *shrugs*. Everyone needs a chance to wibble to someone they know will understand it as such, and not save Y!M conversations or friends-protected entries to throw in their face later. When I see these things come to light after the fact, I immediately wonder about the motivation of the poster, and what they have to gain from a public (or private) flogging of someone's character.

This isn't to say that I don't indulge in my fair share of wibbling or hair-pulling frustration, but it certainly hurts a lot more when your innate sense of fairness is tossed back in your face and you are subjected to passive-aggressive emotional manipulation. I haven't had a great, emotion-bearing conversation with many people in the fandom because of the fear that my opinions, thoughts, and feelings will be made public and held up for taunting. I keep my thoughts to myself - it's safer that way - but I am not going to brush away what I have said as untrue to what I felt at the time.

Comments

[lissannej.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* Good on you for being such a wooblet.

[bloodee-maree.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what you are talking about, but I gotta say that this happens in every single online community. Even the ones that you wouldn't think that it would happen in. Support communities that should be safe havens for people who are hurting puppies.

I moderated a very large support community for quite a while. The crap that went on amazed me. The cliques that formed, the infighting, the garbage that spewed from people, all from people who should have been seeing themselves reflected back in the others who just needed friendship and help. Frankly, it was disgusting. It was not easy moderating that stuff. But I did it anyway because someone helped me through the same rough time in my life and I knew that the people who came there for help deserved no less than I got at the time.

If that sort of crap goes on in a support community, the stuff that goes on in a community dedicated to what is essentially entertainment is going to be ten times as bad.

There are people that like to stir the d00die and make it smell twice as bad as it needs to, ya know?

Outside of that, I really think that excellent friendships are formed within the cliques. It's a pretty cool thing, really as long as everyone can keep it in perspective, ya know?

*BDM adds PBG to her "clique" and grins madly*

Hugs

[water-witch.livejournal.com]

Well I've not been around much recently but I guess this has to do with pseudo royalty. PBG, you are one of the most sensible, down to earth nicest and indeed most fun people I have met in the fandom. At the end of the end it is real life and the way that you live that that is the most important thing and you can reconcile youself to the fact that for the most part these types simply have none. You are always assured big hugs from me.

D.

Re: Hugs

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks, D. It's nice to have friends like you who don't take things that happen in the fandom so seriously, and have the right perspective on things.

*hugs back*

Re: Hugs

[water-witch.livejournal.com]

Much appreciated. Actually you were one of the first friends I made after the Queens threw me out for my terminal badness! I was begining to wonder whether everybody in the fandom was like that and finding that there were normal, fun people out there in Potterverse renewed my faith in human nature!

Re: Hugs

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thanks! I still can't believe that you could ever be considered bad, but then again, my definition is much different than the Queens'.

You are most definitely, by my definition, 'bad'. *grins* Which is to say, as far as the GGs go, normal and fun and a little twisted!

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

I feel for you; I truly do. I am also a "secret keeper" but in a very tiny fandom that has nothing to do with HP. In that tiny little music-fandom-universe (which has less than 800 registered members) I'm one of the Big Name Fans, mostly because I post a lot and do a lot of things behind the scenes. Anyway, somehow over the past 3 1/2 years, I have become sort of the Mother Confessor for a lot of people. People tell me things (some of which have curled my toes) because they *know* I won't spread them around. They also know that I won't tolerate people posting private information without the approval of the people involved. I read one guy the riot act about 3 months ago when he posted that the musician in question "is single again" (without having his permission to post that, of course; and then this statement turned out not to be true anyway!). Anyway... it's hard to stay out of the intrigues and mud-slinging which seem to result from people's ego problems. Hang in there:-) Schnomps, Anne U