Trying to put this all in perspective...
May. 5th, 2003 04:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quidditchgrrlCarole has said it best for me, so far. I do read slash on occasion, when the subject matter and quality of work permit. I judge it by the same criteria that I do gen or het fics. I'm a fanfic reader without a true ship, which makes it all the tougher to take any sort of position on the issue. If its good, I read it. If not, I look for greener pastures.
Yes, I am worse than France - I'm Switzerland, except I don't have any plans to play both sides against the middle. In my search for enlightenment on this issue, I thought I'd ask some folks outside the fandom what they thought about slash and homophobia.
Yesterday was the annual AIDSWalk here (which they left very late in promoting, so the revenues are going to be lower than previous years, methinks) - what a perfect time to ask some folks how they perceive the issue of fan fiction, gay fiction, and the debate about homophobia.
PBG: Have you ever read fan fiction?
Bill R., the most sharply dressed of us all in blue and silver Adidas jogging ensemble, mid-30s: You mean, like Superman stories?
PBG: Well, sort of. Like people make up their own storylines or continue an unfinished one from a book or movie or...
BR: Uh-huh, I think I've seen stuff like that on the internet...why?
PBG: *Tries to explain the discussions that have been going around the fandom*
BR: So you read gay stories?
Alan P., who is probably in his mid-30s too: Ha! Knew you'd be into that! You girls are all alike...*goes on to explain that most women like M/M erotica becuase of their hidden desire for a penis or somesuch*
PBG: Well, there are some people who think that if someone doesn't *like* slash, that they are automatically homophobic and anti-gay. *tries to explain the post and thread at FA*
AP: Why in the world would anyone care about something someone posted? Wouldn' t you just stop reading if you didn't like it?
PBG: No, there are control freaks in the HP fandom, just like anyplace else.
BR: So why are the gay contingent claiming that *not* reading gay fiction is homophobic? I don't get that.
PBG: Dunno. I mean, if comments are made that are homophobic, that's one thing, and it should be pointed out. But it's gone a bit beyond that, and do you think that not liking gay fiction implies homophobia on some level?
AP: It'd be one thing if they read it and secretly liked it, then made the claim that they didn't for whatever reason. Hard to tell.
BR: I don' t think it's homophobia. The person who made the initial post was being homophobic, though - clearly they have some issues about homosexuality. And hopefully that was pointed out to them in the chat.
PBG: Now there are lots of people in an uproar, trying to defend their reasons for not liking/preferring slash.
AP: Seems a bit silly to me, but if someone posted something like that anywhere else, they'd get the same treatment.
Didn't really help me to see things any more clearly, really.
Why I still care about AIDS/HIV awareness (when it seems most other folks have gone off the bandwagon) (for some reason I can't get the tags to work properly, sorry):
For AIDSWalk, just like the other fund-raising marathons, runs and walks, you can put the name of a person on your backflap. This year, as in years past, I've walked for Tom H. I joined CATF in 1996, fresh-faced and ready to volunteer for the Ohio AIDS Hotline. Tom, a writer for The Dispatch, worked the 12-2 shift on Tuesdays and Thursdays, before my 2-4. He was one of the first people to befriend me, and I came early most days to eat lunch with him and talk between phone calls. There was something sweet about him, very academic and sincere; it might have been the tweed jackets with the suede patches he wore sometimes, or his old brown oxfords, or the way he would debate me on subjects that interested us both - the economy, Wally Lamb, independent politics.
Those were the first joyous days of protease inhibitors, when it appeared that HIV was well on its way to becoming a treatable disease itself, rather than a struggle to treat whatever evil disease had taken over someone's weakened body. In the air was the hope that everyone would be able to live 20 or more years with these miracle drugs. Cashing out life insurance was passe, and drug regimens were back in vogue. This time no one would be left behind, and CATF fought to make protease inhibitors available to every person who inquired about them.
Tom fell behind. Something was wrong, certainly. While most of the HIV+ clients and staff were regaining weight and their T-cell counts, Tom's numbers didn't change. He was still as gaunt as ever, still took his meds with his yogurt at lunch time, still had his sarcoma. Nothing was changing. His dosages were upped, and he got a little sicker from it. And a lot sicker. And more pallid with each passing week. The decline lasted more than 2 years; he took a medical leave of absence from the paper and scaled back his volunteering to one day a week.
I received a phone call one Tuesday morning from Kat, the Hotline coordinator. Could I come in and cover Tom's shift? He's fallen very ill, she said. How bad is it, I asked. Silence on the other end of the line. He's in the ICU at OSU Med Center, if you want to ride with me after your shift. And so I made it through the shift, talking a bit with Tom's other acquaintances in the offices.
He lasted two more days after that. I went with Kat to the hospital and took my turn in the ICU room when it came. He wasn't conscious, and I kept my visit short to allow as many people to see him as was possible in the 15 minutes allowed every hour. I met his SO, Jeffrey, who was about Tom's age, and for whom the PI drugs had obviously been successful.
The guilt was (and is) intense for everyone, I think. There was so much hope that PIs would be a miracle drug, but it just seemed like a terrible lie - it was just a crapshoot, in the end. I talked to Jeffrey, who was in the 5K run, and he was still on the meds and they were still working for him. The pain is still there for him, his eyes a little shuttered when I asked how he was getting along. The hugs he got from us were no doubt a painful reminder that he is here and Tom is not.
Not fair. Life is not fair. No matter how many times I hear that, and know it's true, sometimes I just want to lay down and throw a tantrum. It's just not fair.
Yes, I am worse than France - I'm Switzerland, except I don't have any plans to play both sides against the middle. In my search for enlightenment on this issue, I thought I'd ask some folks outside the fandom what they thought about slash and homophobia.
Yesterday was the annual AIDSWalk here (which they left very late in promoting, so the revenues are going to be lower than previous years, methinks) - what a perfect time to ask some folks how they perceive the issue of fan fiction, gay fiction, and the debate about homophobia.
PBG: Have you ever read fan fiction?
Bill R., the most sharply dressed of us all in blue and silver Adidas jogging ensemble, mid-30s: You mean, like Superman stories?
PBG: Well, sort of. Like people make up their own storylines or continue an unfinished one from a book or movie or...
BR: Uh-huh, I think I've seen stuff like that on the internet...why?
PBG: *Tries to explain the discussions that have been going around the fandom*
BR: So you read gay stories?
Alan P., who is probably in his mid-30s too: Ha! Knew you'd be into that! You girls are all alike...*goes on to explain that most women like M/M erotica becuase of their hidden desire for a penis or somesuch*
PBG: Well, there are some people who think that if someone doesn't *like* slash, that they are automatically homophobic and anti-gay. *tries to explain the post and thread at FA*
AP: Why in the world would anyone care about something someone posted? Wouldn' t you just stop reading if you didn't like it?
PBG: No, there are control freaks in the HP fandom, just like anyplace else.
BR: So why are the gay contingent claiming that *not* reading gay fiction is homophobic? I don't get that.
PBG: Dunno. I mean, if comments are made that are homophobic, that's one thing, and it should be pointed out. But it's gone a bit beyond that, and do you think that not liking gay fiction implies homophobia on some level?
AP: It'd be one thing if they read it and secretly liked it, then made the claim that they didn't for whatever reason. Hard to tell.
BR: I don' t think it's homophobia. The person who made the initial post was being homophobic, though - clearly they have some issues about homosexuality. And hopefully that was pointed out to them in the chat.
PBG: Now there are lots of people in an uproar, trying to defend their reasons for not liking/preferring slash.
AP: Seems a bit silly to me, but if someone posted something like that anywhere else, they'd get the same treatment.
Didn't really help me to see things any more clearly, really.
Why I still care about AIDS/HIV awareness (when it seems most other folks have gone off the bandwagon) (for some reason I can't get the tags to work properly, sorry):
For AIDSWalk, just like the other fund-raising marathons, runs and walks, you can put the name of a person on your backflap. This year, as in years past, I've walked for Tom H. I joined CATF in 1996, fresh-faced and ready to volunteer for the Ohio AIDS Hotline. Tom, a writer for The Dispatch, worked the 12-2 shift on Tuesdays and Thursdays, before my 2-4. He was one of the first people to befriend me, and I came early most days to eat lunch with him and talk between phone calls. There was something sweet about him, very academic and sincere; it might have been the tweed jackets with the suede patches he wore sometimes, or his old brown oxfords, or the way he would debate me on subjects that interested us both - the economy, Wally Lamb, independent politics.
Those were the first joyous days of protease inhibitors, when it appeared that HIV was well on its way to becoming a treatable disease itself, rather than a struggle to treat whatever evil disease had taken over someone's weakened body. In the air was the hope that everyone would be able to live 20 or more years with these miracle drugs. Cashing out life insurance was passe, and drug regimens were back in vogue. This time no one would be left behind, and CATF fought to make protease inhibitors available to every person who inquired about them.
Tom fell behind. Something was wrong, certainly. While most of the HIV+ clients and staff were regaining weight and their T-cell counts, Tom's numbers didn't change. He was still as gaunt as ever, still took his meds with his yogurt at lunch time, still had his sarcoma. Nothing was changing. His dosages were upped, and he got a little sicker from it. And a lot sicker. And more pallid with each passing week. The decline lasted more than 2 years; he took a medical leave of absence from the paper and scaled back his volunteering to one day a week.
I received a phone call one Tuesday morning from Kat, the Hotline coordinator. Could I come in and cover Tom's shift? He's fallen very ill, she said. How bad is it, I asked. Silence on the other end of the line. He's in the ICU at OSU Med Center, if you want to ride with me after your shift. And so I made it through the shift, talking a bit with Tom's other acquaintances in the offices.
He lasted two more days after that. I went with Kat to the hospital and took my turn in the ICU room when it came. He wasn't conscious, and I kept my visit short to allow as many people to see him as was possible in the 15 minutes allowed every hour. I met his SO, Jeffrey, who was about Tom's age, and for whom the PI drugs had obviously been successful.
The guilt was (and is) intense for everyone, I think. There was so much hope that PIs would be a miracle drug, but it just seemed like a terrible lie - it was just a crapshoot, in the end. I talked to Jeffrey, who was in the 5K run, and he was still on the meds and they were still working for him. The pain is still there for him, his eyes a little shuttered when I asked how he was getting along. The hugs he got from us were no doubt a painful reminder that he is here and Tom is not.
Not fair. Life is not fair. No matter how many times I hear that, and know it's true, sometimes I just want to lay down and throw a tantrum. It's just not fair.
