My Only Comfort is the Night Gone Black...

[quidditchgrrl]

These past couple of weeks have been full of dark days for me...Honeybunch is working a crappy job in order to train for another potentially crappy job, putting in resumes everywhere, and getting no response. My money is dwindling, and I still need to buy plane tickets for Nimbus, pay off a few bills, and rehab my car a little bit. The government doesn't know what the fuck it wants to do with its now monstrous defense budget, causing me to cost out a million dollars worth of work for nothing. And as the cherry atop this little anxiety sundae, I've been in PMS hell. With the Pill, as some of you folks out there already know, you're damned if you do (like having no libido) and damned if you don't (having plenty of libido but a homicidal attitude to go with it).

But honestly? I'm not doin' too bad. I'm still happy. Yes, I know I need to be committed - I'm one of those people who are only happy when it rains. I think happy thoughts (like convincing Honeybunch to get a loan and go back to school), somewhat scary thoughts (like trying to convince myself to head back for a masters degree), and meditating in general on the state of my life. Not ignoring things - there are so many things to do to keep things going - but just letting myself forget all those petty things in life that upset me (flame wars, stupid people) and focus on the things that make me happy, angry (Rick Santorium, you're next on my PMS hit list, you slimy son-of-a...), and all those other emotions that seem to fade a bit when life is on cruise control. Not that I forget to think during those times, I'm just able to be more mobile when I have the means, and not stuck writing letters instead of driving to a rally. I'm a woman of action, if nothing else!

Read this thread from endogenousardor's LJ this morning - really interesting to see the Objectivist POV debated in such a coherent manner. The older I get, the more I can't see myself subscribing to any one style of 'practical' philosophy on a purely visceral level. I agree with the concept of selfishness, reason and logic as described by Rand in Atlas Shrugged; I just can't reconcile it with a theory of goodness towards other people. No one helps another person purely out of the goodness of their hearts, that much is true. But not teaching the value of lending a hand to a person in need, whether it benefits you directly or not, is a fault of the philosophy. The concept of Social Darwinism is flawed at its core once you attempt to define 'fittest'. Not trying to spark a debate, just writing down my thoughts to get them straightened out in my own mind.

I've also been thinking about posting a response along the lines of zsazsa101's for National Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I'm not sure if I can do it - not that it's a very private issue with me, but more to the point that I have a Drew Carey approach to what happened (anyone read Dirty Jokes and Beer? great book) - it happened, I dealt with it, and I got over it. I don't want people to a) freak out; or worse, b) feel bad/sorry for me. I have always refused to be a victim, or to feel victimized - that would be giving the perpetrator power that he doesn't deserve. I've used those negative feelings to bring about positive change in my life, and explored my experiences in an attempt to figure out what went wrong and maybe stop the same thing happening to another person. Maybe I'll be able to do it, but then again, maybe I won't; I've been inspired to at least think about it, thanks to Melissa.

Comments

[endogenousardor.livejournal.com]

The most amazing thing about that thread is that it resulted in the conversion of someone to objectivism. spiritquest made some deep and fundamental changes in his life after rfjason managed to help him "see the light." He was able to 'grok' the idea of selfishness being the path to everyone's happiness, not just his own.

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

I thought that was great. Those moments are truly profound, when they do come, and I'm sure spiritguide has opened his intellectual 'third eye' very wide.

[infinitus.livejournal.com]

I agree with the concept of selfishness, reason and logic as described by Rand in Atlas Shrugged; I just can't reconcile it with a theory of goodness towards other people. No one helps another person purely out of the goodness of their hearts, that much is true. But not teaching the value of lending a hand to a person in need, whether it benefits you directly or not, is a fault of the philosophy.

Of course Objectivism teaches the value of lending a hand to a person in need! It teaches that people do act out of the goodness of their hearts. The "goodness" is just not that which is defined by the Judeo-Christian philosophy of selflessness. In Objectivism, to honor the self (which is inherently good) is an act of goodness. It argues that if you act in the interest of your inherently good self, you will inevitably help others.

Ayn Rand just isn't so warm and fuzzy in the way she states things. Also, she is unbearably repetitive. I think "Atlas Shrugged" should have been called "The Editor Shrugged." Her philosophy is an eminently sensible, moral, and compassionate way to live, though.

[seakays.livejournal.com]

Donna,

I sure hope things improve for you in the near future. I certainly can empathize with the "mercy of your hormones" feeling also.

At certain times, I am actually hoping to be one of those women who hits menopause really early!

Hugs,
sue

Feel better soon

[water-witch.livejournal.com]

Sorry you are feeling so down and I hope you feel better soon. It is always darkest before the dawn as they say. At least you aren't slaving away with wall to wall housework. Whoever said Venetian blinds were a good idea!

[dejaspirit.livejournal.com]

don't want people to a) freak out; or worse, b) feel bad/sorry for me. I have always refused to be a victim, or to feel victimized Me too, but I don't think we should let that get in the way of telling our stories. It is, after all, the only way we can make our culture more aware of what goes on and make change. I did it. I deleted the post once, but changed my mind. It's too important. *hugs*

Re:

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks Dionne! I've kind of started to form a response in my mind, but whether or not it'll make it to paper is another thing.