(no subject)

[quidditchgrrl]

After queerasjohn's post about coming out to his parents (happy anniversary, by the way, John, and I'm sure you know how lucky you are), I'm sitting here at my desk at work struggling not to just bawl my eyes out.

While some parents seem to be completely oblivious (or act as if they are) to their child's sexuality, some others make up their minds very early on in their child's life.

My brother has done this to his son. Or his adopted son, more specifically. Zach is a great kid - my brother and his first wife adopted him just before he turned two - and I love him more than any of my other nieces and nephews, I think. He loves 4-H, going to his church youth group, playing in the band, hanging out with his super-cool aunts and uncles (all of us are much younger than my brother and his ex-wife), trying to watch MTV after midnight, and doing all the things a 'normal' 12-year-old boy does with his time.

It has been decreed by his father that he is gay. Not because he shows any effeminate qualities (although admittedly, I don't have gaydar or even pay attention to that sort of thing anyway) or has done anything to prove this point (he's twelve, for the love of Pete!), but for this reason - he doesn't like football. Zach will play soccer or catch or whatever, but he's not into team sports. He likes being in the band (well, until this year, when his father wouldn't help pay for his instrument). This, to my brother's way of thinking, makes him a poof. A fag. A homo. A whatever-insulting-slur you can call a gay person.

This is in some ways humorous, considering that my brother wore white platform high-heeled boots and a powder blue polyester suit to his high school prom. And he drew and painted and played the guitar and banjo. And he liked Olivia Newton-John. Ahem.

My brother has a litany of things that Prove His Point, and uses all of the terrible things that so-called Christians cite as proof that Zach is a bad person, devil spawn, whatever. These are two of his 'proofs':

Point One: Zach is too nice and too affectionate with people. My brother doesn't see this as good behavior for a 12 year old kid. I'm not really sure what he expects from the boy, but I'm gonna take all the hugs and love I can get. Those sullen teenage years are just ahead, so why doesn't he take what affection he can get now? He was quite a violent kid growing up, so we all look on his mellowness as a good thing. But not Dad.

Point Two: Zach likes clothing and he likes to wear name-brand things. This is mom's doing, and I really don't see liking Old Navy or Tommy Hilfiger as a Sign. Maybe if he was hip to Prada or liked Mahnolo Blahniks...but I digress.

Now, this wouldn't be half the big deal it is to the rest of us if my brother just filed his fear/insecurity/anger/suspicion away mentally for future reference. No, he has to make it well-known to all and sundry that he thinks Zach is a pussy. He's told his son all about this, as well - how much of a pussy he is, how he's a wimp - and that's the real shame in the whole thing. If you wanted your child to grow into a well-adjusted person, wouldn't you encourage him to do what he likes and to love him unconditionally? Selfish asshole.

I can't imagine growing up with someone who told you to your face how much of a personal failure you were.

Or maybe I can.

I don't know where my family gets this crap from, there must be some genetic defect that my younger sister and I didn't inherit.

Actually, after all of that, I feel a bit better.

Comments

[queerasjohn.livejournal.com]

*hugs you, and hugs him*

-.-