I know you've seen these before...
Feb. 9th, 2005 11:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quidditchgrrl...so I'll put 'em under a cut. I get so upset at women who complain about their boyfriends/husbands/significant others and the fact that men can't read minds.
Why do I love Honeybunch? Because I understand some very important things about him:
-He will never put the seat down or put the toilet paper on the roll
-He lives and breathes sports, to the exclusion of nearly everything else, including me at times
-He can't read my mind, although to his credit, he does try sometimes
-If I want something specific done around the house, I have to ask and he will do it
Rules That Guys Wish Women Knew
1. Crying is blackmail.
2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Amen, amen
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
11. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Sunday = Sports.
18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap-opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done – not both.
23. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
24. You don't need more clothes remember less is all ways better.
25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.
Honeybunch deals with me because:
-I hate doing laundry. Correction: I hate folding and putting away laundry.
-I will never worry about housework when there is anything else to do *refreshes friends' page*
-I like Chinese food and will make the house smell terrible if I want it
-I will never be romantic, except when it comes to the big things in life, like when he buys me a candy bar at the Circle K
All the Things She Wishes Men Knew......
1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or after sex doesn't count.
2. Real men can drive stick.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts) *rowr*
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no reason to think so.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper into my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. *cough* If you say so...
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-dog-house-free card.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not.
17. If I'm not having sex with you, A) I’m having a fat day; B) I’m not feeling "connected" to you; C) I’m blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD and i'm not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occassional fancy-shmancy dress up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts LOVE much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with a shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary tract infections. So watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing stuff, wearing white T-shirts and jeans, driving, eating a peach, and holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. OFTEN. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for ME = MORE LOVING.
36. I want to be the best thing that's ever happened to you. And for you to recognize this.
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking...
38. Discussion of ex-bf's and ex-gf's should be avoided at all costs.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking even if you don't know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
42. It's best to consult your (or my) gal-pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your ass in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember EVERYTHING from our relationship.
50.You should know all this without me telling you.
I did make a ton of fried rice and sesame honey chicken to take to Rainbow tonight (our theme for the meeting was Chinese New Year), and man, our house smells bad. :P But, yum, fried rice leftovers!
*zooms away*
Why do I love Honeybunch? Because I understand some very important things about him:
-He will never put the seat down or put the toilet paper on the roll
-He lives and breathes sports, to the exclusion of nearly everything else, including me at times
-He can't read my mind, although to his credit, he does try sometimes
-If I want something specific done around the house, I have to ask and he will do it
Rules That Guys Wish Women Knew
1. Crying is blackmail.
2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Amen, amen
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
11. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Sunday = Sports.
18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap-opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done – not both.
23. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
24. You don't need more clothes remember less is all ways better.
25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.
Honeybunch deals with me because:
-I hate doing laundry. Correction: I hate folding and putting away laundry.
-I will never worry about housework when there is anything else to do *refreshes friends' page*
-I like Chinese food and will make the house smell terrible if I want it
-I will never be romantic, except when it comes to the big things in life, like when he buys me a candy bar at the Circle K
All the Things She Wishes Men Knew......
1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or after sex doesn't count.
2. Real men can drive stick.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts) *rowr*
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no reason to think so.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper into my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. *cough* If you say so...
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-dog-house-free card.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not.
17. If I'm not having sex with you, A) I’m having a fat day; B) I’m not feeling "connected" to you; C) I’m blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD and i'm not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occassional fancy-shmancy dress up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts LOVE much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with a shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary tract infections. So watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing stuff, wearing white T-shirts and jeans, driving, eating a peach, and holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. OFTEN. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for ME = MORE LOVING.
36. I want to be the best thing that's ever happened to you. And for you to recognize this.
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking...
38. Discussion of ex-bf's and ex-gf's should be avoided at all costs.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking even if you don't know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
42. It's best to consult your (or my) gal-pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your ass in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember EVERYTHING from our relationship.
50.You should know all this without me telling you.
I did make a ton of fried rice and sesame honey chicken to take to Rainbow tonight (our theme for the meeting was Chinese New Year), and man, our house smells bad. :P But, yum, fried rice leftovers!
*zooms away*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-10 04:54 am (UTC)Only when he tickles me.
5. Get rid of your cat.
If I had gotten rid of a cat,
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-10 05:45 am (UTC)This is my favorite. . .
Surprises, especially gifts for ME = MORE LOVING.
Johnny is the king of surprises. . .and I am firmly convinced it's because he has figured out this little rule.
Also, the headache one. . .MWAH! That had me laughing. . .Go see a doctor indeed.
(((hugs)))
Kele
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-10 05:52 am (UTC)Although...I'm not sure I agree much with all the 'she wishes' parts.In fact,I'd hate it if I caught myself doing/thinking like that.
Especially the stereotype,that a woman always 'assumes' a man is supposed to know what's going on through her head and act according to that. Of course there are thousands of women to prove me that they indeed 'assume',unfortunately.
Men don't 'assume' like some of us do.And they also don't use their 'gut' feeling.They use their brain 'data' most of the time and act according to their experiences.
It all just comes down to the basics: man=logic,woman=heart
Of course,the analogies vary. They could be 60-40,more,or less. (God help the much less)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-10 06:18 am (UTC)There are many men out there that have no idea how to mop a floor or how to clean a toilet simply because they've never done it before! They don't know how to keep house because they were never taught by their mothers/fathers.
Same thing with feelings - men have been taught to be logical and literal, by and large - and it takes time to be more intuitive to what a woman is thinking/feeling. Andy knows when I'm having a bad day, or I'm restless, or I'm thinking too much. But it's only because I've been honest with my feelings that he's able to do this (and a lot of women aren't, then say, "he just doesn't understand me!" Grrr)
I could go on all night with this particular rant!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-10 08:16 pm (UTC)