Ah, the smell of bureaucracy in the morning...

[quidditchgrrl]

...or is that just laserjet ink?

Various questions on the FBI Bioterrorism Preparedness Act form (and what they really mean, aside from 'you never should have gotten this far'):

Are you a fugitive from justice (are you hiding from us right beneath our noses - d'oh!)?

Have you ever been adjudicated as a mental defective or been committed to any mental institution (are you retarded, boy, or just plain crazy)?

Are you an unlawful user of any controlled substance (are you high, boy)?

Have you been discharged from the Armed Services of the United States under dishonorable conditions (what the hell did you do to get court martialed)?

Are you an alien illegally or unlawfully in the United States (do you speak English, boy)?

Paperwork Reduction Act Notice: this form will waste 30 minutes of time. Done and done!

Comments

[fearthainn.livejournal.com]

I love that they give you this form, where it's very obvious that any answer other than "no, sir" is wrong, and expect you to answer honestly.

"I'm trying for this job/want to enter your country, but you should know I am a crazy, retarded, foreign, pot-smoking ex-con who was kicked out of the military. Hire me?"

Re:

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

You know, the scary thing is that none of those things necessarily will disqualify you from receiving a security clearance. You interview with an FBI agent and write out a statement, then the agency reviews the report and makes a decision.

So, you could be crazy, retarded, foreign, drug-using, law-breaking, or dishonorably discharged and still qualify to handle chemical and biological weapons-grade materials.

*headdesk* Scary.

[queerasjohn.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of the I-93G Visa Waiver form. "Are you a Nazi?" "Are you a Tairist?" "Are you a Druggie?"

*eyeroll*

Re:

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Ah - 'Have you ever knowingly engaged in acts or activities designed to overthrow the government of the United States?'

*cough*

[queerasjohn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the one. I wonder if peace protesting counts. Or being signed up for Howard Dean's mailing list...

Re:

[quidditchgrrl.livejournal.com]

Obviously not...*glances around shiftily*

[fraulein.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting this. I needed a good laugh and this most definitely provided.

[water-witch.livejournal.com]

Honestly! As if anybody would ever actually answer yes to any of those questions. I mean if you were any of those things then the chances are you would probably lie about it anyway. On a similar note, it always amazes me how fascinated Customs and Excise are with whether you have any fruit in you hand luggage. Guns! Smuggled Animals! Anything really but if you have fruit in your bag then you are in big trouble!