Maudlin Musings on Motherhood

[quidditchgrrl]

Don't say I didn't warn you.

My niece, her husband and their three-month-old have been doing a Midwestern tour de famille over the last few weeks.  They came up to visit our family, then spent a week with her husband's family in suburban Chicago, and are spending a few days with us before they head back home to North Carolina.

My niece had been playing with Kayden in the front yard of her in-laws house, swinging him up and down and making him laugh and entertaining the family.

A few minutes later a police cruiser shows up and tells my niece that someone had reported a baby being abused at the residence.  DCFS has been called, and a little after the officer arrives, the DCFS investigator comes to the house.

Turns out some nosy do-gooder saw her playing with her baby (safely, I might add; she holds his entire body in her arms when she swings him around, never letting him go or shaking him AT ALL) and called the police.

Family:  OMGWTSIT!

So, the investigator spends two hours interviewing the entire family, then orders my niece, her husband and the baby to the emergency room so Kayden can be thoroughly examined.  They separate the three, then begin the interrogation questioning:

Doc:  So, did you do it?
Niece:  YES, I DID IT!  I PLAYED WITH MY SON!  If I were abusing him, do you think I'd do it in the open where anyone could see me?!
Doc:  So, about your husband...does he beat you?
Niece:  WTH!  NO!  Do you SEE any bruises?!
Doc:  Are you afraid of him?
Niece:  OMG, you are a FREAK.

Doc2:  So, does your wife ever hit the baby?
Hubby:  WTF!  NO!
Doc2:  Does she hate the baby sometimes?
Hubby:  Dude, I don't know what you're getting at, but you'd better believe my wife would never hurt a child, no matter what.
Doc2:  Have you ever hit her or the baby?
Hubby:  You.all.are.such.freaks.

They are finally released from custody a few hours later, after repeated questioning.  DCFS returns to the house the next day to interview the family again.

Yes, this is why I should never, ever have children.  At least not without a lawyer on permanent retainer.  I can't state it clearly enough:  the manner in which people raise their children is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  Unless you see a child being visibly harmed - the lawn was far enough from the street that this person got, at best, a glance at the scene - keep your mouth shut.  Do you think a person spanking their child would have any compunction about giving you a few shots to the grill?

I would personally beat the ever-loving snot out of anyone who questioned my parenting techniques.  My mother showed up at my brother's elementary school with a baseball bat after his teacher washed his mouth out with soap.  It wasn't that she felt my brother was wronged; it was the fact that the teacher sent home a note asking if he had been repeating language he'd heard at home.  (My brother, in addition to having his mouth washed out, also got whooped by my mother for cursing.)  The teacher assumed that poor people have poor parenting skills, that young people have poor parenting skills.  My mother was...23 I think, with a 5- and 3-year-old, and dirt poor.

This is the only issue which I tend to say this:  Fucking Liberals.

People today have this idea that they know best how to parent other peoples' children.  Phonics is the way to go (uh-huh says this whole language learner); you should NEVER hit your children (much of the evidence supporting that has been debunked, at least for young children); we won't even get into the children's rights movement and the crazy things parents are locked up for while truly abused children are overlooked each and every day.

They certainly aren't as cute as Kayden is, or my niece is, I bet.  They are dirty and smelly sometimes, they don't talk much, they and their scars are hidden or ignored by the world until it's too late.  Then we say, oh, how horrible!  Why didn't anyone notice before?!  What a shame! and forget about them until the next one shows up dead or near death.

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, no one blamed the DCFS worker - he was just doing his job.  It was the busybody schlepping by in their minivan/SUV that gets the heat for this one.  I am simply grateful that they and their baby made it out of the system - no matter how short the time period - intact.  *shudders*



Sometimes you come across a woman who takes to being a mother like a duck to water.  My niece is one of those women.  She is so good with her young'un; while she gets as cranky as he does sometimes, she knows just the right thing to do to calm her child down, when he's hungry/sleepy/cranky/needs changed/wants daddy/wants mommy (I know most moms know these things).  It's just...different.  She is wholly unfazed by being a mom (at 19 I would never have had a child, much less known what the heck to do with it) and knows what she's doing without being self-conscious about it.  Young moms get so much shit - people assume they're ruining their life and the baby's - and I dunno, I guess it's cool to see her so grown up and calm about having this little family unit.

It also makes me feel very old to see her son and watch him do the very same things his mother did when she was that little.  Nice too - brings back lots of memories.

Thus ends another maudlin post by yours truly.