quidditchgrrl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
quidditchgrrl) wrote2003-04-02 11:11 am
quidditchgrrl) wrote2003-04-02 11:11 am
Belated April Fool's Day Bad!Fic
Since ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
camillabloom stuck her Gryffindor Groupies BAD!Fic challenge up, I might as well *cringes* stick mine up for ridicule as well.
Andzsazsa101 brought up a good point in her smutlet this morning - some sects of Christianity (like, say, the Southern Baptists, of which Bill Clinton is a member) only consider m/f vaginal intercourse actual sex. Two of us in one day thinking about this, hmmm.
So, here 'tis.
Not really a parody, very evil.
Title: Mary Sue Gets Her Comeuppance
Rating: R for a bit of evilness.
Archive: Nope. I didn't even save this to disk.
To Cam, who has been corrupting me lo these many months. I am a very bad girl.
"Ohmigod!" Tiffany squealed as she came across the barrier at platform nine and three quarters. "I can't believe I was
picked to be an exchange student to Hogwart's! And I never even knew I was a witch!"
She climbed aboard the train, straining to hear the unmistakably sexy intonations of British boys speaking, but heard
nothing but high-pitch chatter, which all sounded just like the American muggle high school she had just left.
In the past two years, Hogwats had been inundated with American exchange students - so many, in fact, the American
students outnumbered the others 2 to 1!
Frowning, Tiffany went off in search of her one true love, Harry Potter, whom she'd heard about from the brochures her
guidance counselor had given her. Dark hair, green eyes - what a hottie! Too bad he had that jagged red scar on his
face - couldn't he charm that off or something?
It took her a while, since there were no fewer than 8 other girls (who were wearing funny cloaks and pointy hats; obviously
English girls at Hogwart didn't have near the fashion sense of American girls) talking to him in the compartment he was sharing with
Draco Malfoy.
Finally she hid a side compartment until all those hussies left, then crept into the car. Harry noticed her right away, but
Draco was asleep on the bench.
"So blowjob or anal sex?" Harry said.
"What are you talking about?" Tiffany gasped. Surely *Harry Potter* wouldn't ever say the words `blowjob' or `anal sex'! She had
never even THOUGHT those words, much less contemplated them.
"You're obviously here thinking you're going to become my girlfriend, or at least -" he glanced over at Draco lovingly, who had
woken and who was now eyeing Tiffany speculatively. She gasped again when she realized that Draco was…playing…with himself through
his pants, "try to. Did you read the fine print when you filled out the application?"
"N - no," Tiffany whimpered. Both Draco and Harry sighed and rolled there eyes.
"Rules state that any female exchange students must become part of our little harem," Draco smirked. "If we like you,
you stay. If not…" he twirled his wand in one hand and his member in the other.
"And we only do oral or anal, since most everything else is too borning," Harry agreed.
"I'm saving myself for marriage, so no thanks!" Tiffany turned to leave, but Draco's hand on her arm stopped her.
"Oh, you'll still be a virgin," he intoned, shutting and locking the door.
camillabloom stuck her Gryffindor Groupies BAD!Fic challenge up, I might as well *cringes* stick mine up for ridicule as well.And
zsazsa101 brought up a good point in her smutlet this morning - some sects of Christianity (like, say, the Southern Baptists, of which Bill Clinton is a member) only consider m/f vaginal intercourse actual sex. Two of us in one day thinking about this, hmmm.So, here 'tis.
Not really a parody, very evil.
Title: Mary Sue Gets Her Comeuppance
Rating: R for a bit of evilness.
Archive: Nope. I didn't even save this to disk.
To Cam, who has been corrupting me lo these many months. I am a very bad girl.
"Ohmigod!" Tiffany squealed as she came across the barrier at platform nine and three quarters. "I can't believe I was
picked to be an exchange student to Hogwart's! And I never even knew I was a witch!"
She climbed aboard the train, straining to hear the unmistakably sexy intonations of British boys speaking, but heard
nothing but high-pitch chatter, which all sounded just like the American muggle high school she had just left.
In the past two years, Hogwats had been inundated with American exchange students - so many, in fact, the American
students outnumbered the others 2 to 1!
Frowning, Tiffany went off in search of her one true love, Harry Potter, whom she'd heard about from the brochures her
guidance counselor had given her. Dark hair, green eyes - what a hottie! Too bad he had that jagged red scar on his
face - couldn't he charm that off or something?
It took her a while, since there were no fewer than 8 other girls (who were wearing funny cloaks and pointy hats; obviously
English girls at Hogwart didn't have near the fashion sense of American girls) talking to him in the compartment he was sharing with
Draco Malfoy.
Finally she hid a side compartment until all those hussies left, then crept into the car. Harry noticed her right away, but
Draco was asleep on the bench.
"So blowjob or anal sex?" Harry said.
"What are you talking about?" Tiffany gasped. Surely *Harry Potter* wouldn't ever say the words `blowjob' or `anal sex'! She had
never even THOUGHT those words, much less contemplated them.
"You're obviously here thinking you're going to become my girlfriend, or at least -" he glanced over at Draco lovingly, who had
woken and who was now eyeing Tiffany speculatively. She gasped again when she realized that Draco was…playing…with himself through
his pants, "try to. Did you read the fine print when you filled out the application?"
"N - no," Tiffany whimpered. Both Draco and Harry sighed and rolled there eyes.
"Rules state that any female exchange students must become part of our little harem," Draco smirked. "If we like you,
you stay. If not…" he twirled his wand in one hand and his member in the other.
"And we only do oral or anal, since most everything else is too borning," Harry agreed.
"I'm saving myself for marriage, so no thanks!" Tiffany turned to leave, but Draco's hand on her arm stopped her.
"Oh, you'll still be a virgin," he intoned, shutting and locking the door.
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