quidditchgrrl: (Wonder woman)
Just a quick and whiny update + comments:

1. I am totally overworked and overtrained and exhausted. One shouldn't feel like crying all the time, should one?

2. #1 is not going to change anytime soon. I got a new heart rate monitor (a better one) and realized that I'm not burning like I thought I was...so I have to work HARDER...I'm putting in 8-10 hours a week (running, spinning, step, and weight lifting), I don't know if I can do any more without #1 coming to an embarrassing end. The very idea makes me want to cry pathetic tears of d00m.

3. We will owe $1800 in taxes this year. It could be worse.

4. [livejournal.com profile] redblaze, Chris looks JUST like a young John Lennon - how awesome is that?

5. [livejournal.com profile] hermorrine, I'm with you. I need a vacation from life. Run away with me? :-P

6. [livejournal.com profile] buckeyealum, "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" is the best movie. We watch it with my sister's nieces all the time, I love it!

7. Someone requested membership in one of the old Yahoo groups (The Boudoir) specifically to read one of my old, old fics. Hope they like it. :-)

8. If you see me on Facebook during the work day (i.e. 8-5, M-F), don't IM me, I can't answer. Sowwy.

9. I would love to be able to take some time to write, but I'd need two weeks to calm down before I could start.

10. New HBP photos - how YOU doin', Tom Felton?

11. Speaking of, I have a couple of Lora Leigh books bedside that are calling my name (in a husky, manly voice). Night!
quidditchgrrl: (the bitch is in)

Please, by all the powers that be, let this month be over soon. )



Oh, and I'm ovulating and horribly, uh, you know, with no relief to be had.  The least of my worries, but the most persistent at the moment.  Alcohol will make the other stuff fade into the background, but only amplifies horniness.  A good smutty book?  I has one.

You know it's bad when you're staring and you make eye contact and you don't even CARE that you look like a desperate pervert.  (Luckily my gay school friend works with said staree and will be able to explain the creepy stalker-chick giving him the eye today.)

I think I'm going to go and channel Jason Statham's strip scene in the last Transporter movie and try to get some shut-eye.

quidditchgrrl: (Someone needs a hug!)
This day is fired, no bonus, no golden parachute, no severance package. )

THE BRIGHT SIDE: )

I need a stiff drink *chugs Diet Coke*

So, how was YOUR day?  :)
quidditchgrrl: (*brood*)

The past couple of weeks have been a downer for a lot of us, no?

Even the inauguration felt like a short respite from what seems to have been a real soul-sucker of a new year.

I feel guilty for even thinking negatively about my situation, which isn't bad at all, when so many other people are in dire straits or are hurting for more important reasons.

Went out to celebrate a birthday this weekend.  It was great most of the night, but ended up a horrible, morose mess, with all of us crying at some point.  My bestie K is in danger of being deported (she married someone who wasn't actually divorced from his first wife) and she is barely holding on.  I know she's thinking about giving up and going home, and I feel all kinds of horrible and selfish that I can't bring myself to tell her that she has to do the best thing for her mental health, because I want her to be here, with us.

Blah, I hate being in a situation where I do have a voice to make something happen...I just know that what I want to happen isn't necessarily what needs to happen.  Heart broken.

ANYWAY.  It will all turn around, eventually.  As negative as I seem at times, I'm an optimist at heart, pull up the bootstraps, put on the big girl panties, and so on.

I just hope those panties still fit when the time comes.

quidditchgrrl: (Holy shit Spongebob n Patrick)
I had a helluva day today.  Amazing I'm still alive, really.  My kismet, it is strong.

1.  I kindasortaalittlebit ran into a concrete abutment in the parking garage this morning.  This is not the first time I've mistakenly hit the accelerator instead of the brake (yeah, yeah, old people plowing through farmer's markets, I KNOW).  No real damage to the car, but my ego?  Humiliated - when you hit something in a parking garage, it ECHOES like whoa.  Someone saw it, too.  *headdesk*

2.  My bank credit union called me this morning to tell me I'd left my ATM card in the machine, and I could come and get it.  I love belonging to a credit union!  I don't love getting calls to tell me I'm an idiot.

3.  By the grace of two men at the corner of Broad and 3rd, I managed to avoid being hit and killed by a truck that ran the light.  I didn't see it coming, and the two guys on either side of me (during the lunch hour, thank GOD) grabbed me and forced me back onto the sidewalk - they threw me to the ground. 

All I can really remember is looking at the sky and seeing a dozen faces going D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

Nothing like that kind of adrenaline to get you pumped during your run (and to make you 1000000x more cautious at intersections).  And nothing like the post-traumatic shakes to make your knees so rubbery you can barely stand in the elevator.

4.  I made a special effort to go to the bank, then forgot where I was going, and got on the interstate instead.  Waste of 15 minutes of gas.

5.  Hit the gym after work.  When I came upstairs to grab my stuff, I couldn't find my lock/locker.  I know I brought the lock in, but it is nowhere to be found.  My purse, work attache, and workout clothes?  In an unsecured locker.  *headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*  Nothing was missing, but JEEBUS.

I tell you, but for the grace of the gods go I.

Work today was le awesome, though.  I love to crunch numbers and figure things out and when the tenured reviewers drop in to get my "take" on things...*happy*
quidditchgrrl: (Fascinating.  Yes.)
I'm not avoiding you...I'm just...avoidant.

No access to social networking sites at work.  It's kind of nice, though, to be expected to actually accomplish something at work and not just tool around posting random crap.

Learning more about hydrogeology and petrocarbon chemistry than I ever thought possible.  I guess those two years of organic chemistry weren't altogether wasted.

Avoiding politics.  Hate Obama.  Hate Biden.  Hate McCain.  Hate Palin.  I'm on a 100% news hiatus, aside from snippets of NPR or the headlines on Fark.  Not even TDS or TCR.  No.  I can catch up later, when I may be able to laugh rather than rage.

Good news?  I can run on my lunch break and have lost nearly 10 pounds since I started work.  Which is nice.  Paid off my car and several credit cards, hiked up my student loan payments to where they *ought* to be (ouch), and will start socking away a larger portion of my pay into savings.

Have been going to concerts with friends, and alone.  What?  You thought my husband would go with me?  You kid.  My friends are le awesome, though, and humor me whenever possible.

I saw John Green speak last week.  He's kind of awesome.  And if you haven't seen Hank Green's "Accio Harry Potter," well.  Get on that.  :)

He reminded me that in order to become a real person, one needs to read, and write, in order to complete the process of thinking.  Spending too much time in one's own head is not good (and don't we all know that).  I tend to get lost in there.  My emotions fled a while ago, maybe sucked into the hinterlands of my amygdala.

Aaaaannd.  It looks like I've missed [livejournal.com profile] smutty_claus signups.  *cries*  *goes to email [livejournal.com profile] r_becca*

Last, but not least, I've not been very good about keeping up with ElJay, but I'm thinking of the whole flist muchly.  *huggles you all*
quidditchgrrl: (Deal with it!)
Not dead yet.  Thinking, and not ready to commit anything to print.

New job starts tomorrow, and other parts of my life are moving very fast and coming apart at the seams.

Can I have a new life?  Or up the warranty on this one?  I think I've broken it.
quidditchgrrl: (PMS emergency)
Whinge, whinge.

Working, interviewing for jobs that I'll probably never get, prepping for civil service exams, eating, working out, and sleeping.  No flist, no book memes, feel hopeless.

This is my life right now.  Send help, or a small-caliber handgun.

Please let July 10 get here SOON.

*fwump*
quidditchgrrl: (Jack has never cried.  Never.)

THINGS I AM EXCITED ABOUT:
--Tomorrow, I have two things to do, then glorious NOTHING
--Iron Man this weekend!
--Going for dinner/drinks/movie with work folks Friday!
--I just watched Lars and the Real Girl, and have now seen the strange attraction of Ryan Gosling (but I refuse - REFUSE - to watch The Notebook) - early-stage schizophrenia ftw!
--Our "stimulus payment" was taken off our ass-raping "tax burden" from 2006, so we can pay that off in the next 3 months
--We got our refund from the city!  W00t!  *gives city a big V for...victory*  It's just going to the IRS, but still...
--Now that my car is fixed, it's getting around 32mpg on the highway!  I haven't been to the gas station for almost a week!
--I have job prospects and an interview Thursday!
--Going to see She Wants Revenge in two weeks!

THINGS I AM NOT SO EXCITED ABOUT:
--Not getting my OSU transcript for above interview, since they don't do across-the-desk transcript processing (anymore?)
--The horrid amount of spam I'm getting from the job sites
--Being so desperate for a job that I've signed up for the big job sites (Monster, CareerBuilder)
--People being generally stupid on the bike paths/trails around here >:O
--My racheting stress level (I should be used to this by now, dang it) and subsequent lack of anything resembling emotion/feeling
--Summer Reading Club at work
--Being such a damn pessimist lately  :\

PEOPLE I LOVE:  YOU.


quidditchgrrl: (PMS emergency)
 Ack, I've turned (have always been?) into the person who only blogs when she's feeling emo and goth and stuff.

Yesterday's high has bottomed out, and now I feel pretty damned hopeless.  Potential job is no longer probable, I can't seem to get anything right anymore.  Blah, blah, blah.

So what's good?  I still have a job, I have my second job, my car still runs, I'm not pregnant, my husband hasn't run off with Claire Danes, I got my hair cut (and it looks CUTE), and I'm going to run my arse off after work tonight.

Pity party over.  So, cheer me up (and maybe yourself, too) - what's GOOD in your life?  What upcoming event are you excited about - Portus, Terminus, vacation?
quidditchgrrl: (Diaries are full of crap - Bridget)
Since I've been futzing around with my userpics for the past half-hour, I might go ahead and share my boring failyness (spelled that wrong, but it's apropo) with you all.

First, the counseling appointment. Not sure if it was good or not. I really am not the type to share my feelings, and never with total strangers. It was exhausting - I had planned to paint at the Lodge after, but went home and napped for 2+ hours. I was that tired, mentally, after just talking. I made another appointment, but if the second one doesn't go any better, I won't be going back.

Second, taxes are finally done! We'll be able to take $140 off what we owe on our 2006 federal (which is probably just the accrued interest), we owe $68 to the state...and we are getting $485 from the city! I asked if they would file and refund me if I took the return down to the city income tax division, because I want to do a VICTORY DANCE in their offices. I deserve to, after all the stress of being audited, then being pinged for $300+ for 2006.

He told me I'd better not, but I FEEL VINDICATED. *gives 'em the bird*

Third, t-minus 5 days until the half-marathon of d00m. I can't wait for it to be over. I've signed up for a 4-miler for April 20th already. I bought a new mp3 player (of course I would lose my old one when I just bought nice new headphones!) and loaded a ton of songs, have maxcool clothes, good sports bra and my shoes.

Fourth, I heard the new NKOTB single, and wow. Yes. I'll have that. ;-)

Fifth, I finally got to eat at Noodles & Company! I've been wanting to try it forever, but it's so popular around here that every restaurant is packed all the time. They have small plates! And salads! And decent pad thai, once you've drowned out the Skippy-flavored peanut butter with some chili sauce.

Finally, I am just finishing Lolita, and I'm just wowed by it. If you haven't read it, if you were worried about or turned off by the subject matter, I urge you to reconsider and give it a shot. I listened to it (narrated by Jeremy Irons), and yeah, just, wow. The language is beautiful, it's brimming with wit and dark humor, and through it all is a thread of instability that yeah, wow. There is a reason this book is on all of the "best" lists. Next up is Sons and Lovers by D. H. Lawrence. I'm not up for Ulysses quite yet.

So, how are YOU doin'?
quidditchgrrl: (one tough cookie)
*examines belly button*

I have made a decision on something that's been at the back of my mind for a while now.

Or, more precisely, hanging off the front of me.  I'm going to get a tummy tuck.

I am so sick of looking like shit in all of my clothes, working out 10-12 hours a week and still watching skin bouncing around in the mirror with every move I make.  My abdominal muscles are extremely strong, and I actually have contour, but you would never be able to tell by looking at me.  It's disheartening to be able to run 10 miles, but look as though I never get off the couch.

Right now, I look like that most despised of women, the girl who has Let Herself Go.  I'd like the opportunity to look normal, for the first time in my life.

It's been a bit of a depressing process, most especially since my doctor seems to think that simply losing more weight would take care of the problem, when in actuality, my losing more weight has made the ugliness even more noticable. (My surgical scar is vertical, and my stomach curves inward toward that midline.  Gross.)

Once I've got the money, it's going to happen, to save my mental health.  I hate that I can't be happy with what I have, to feel lucky and grateful that I'm alive/healthy, and I hate that I feel worse now - mentally - than I ever did when I was obese. 

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

*returns to contemplating navel*
quidditchgrrl: (Got milk?  Cookie monster needs milk!)
SMRT Update:  I think I took the Lantus - I'm holding steady in the low 100s (102, 109) over the last hour.

Had some toast (I still haven't gotten around to buying sugared jelly, darnitall) and I feel okay.  Foraging has produced chocolate chips and ice cream sandwiches (bad Honeybunch!).

I think I'll sleep on the couch with the chocolate chips close by.  *nods*

Tomorrow will be fun, I'm sure - now to figure out how much Lantus to take in the morning.  Hm, should probably not take any, since I'm getting 4 units (eek!) an hour until 11am tomorrow, then 2 units until 9pm or so (Lantus is a slow-release insulin that acts over a 24-hour period).  That's a lot of food, especially when you can't drink sugared drinks.  Bah.

Great, I'm going to look like an orca by tomorrow morning having to eat all night long.  :-\

Oh, shit.

Jan. 27th, 2008 10:56 pm
quidditchgrrl: (avada kedavra!)
Reason #245 why I shouldn't do important things while I'm distracted:

I took a shot of insulin about an hour ago.

I could have taken:

a) 2 units of Humalog - what I intended to take, will balance out with what I've eaten so far (soon, hopefully)

b) 25 units of Lantus - a HUGE fuckup, but I think I could manage that over time with a good dose of some simple sugars

c) 25 units of Humalog - which could conceivably kill me if I don't head to the ER before I pass out

Last BGL - 52.  Have had an apple and a bowl of cereal.  Might puke if I eat anything else.  Will retest in 30 minutes, head to ER if no change.  Better go wake Andy up, just in case.

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quidditchgrrl

May 2009

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