quidditchgrrl: (Mad giggles)
I just went to the Circle K for some pop.

I hear a younger black girl (you know, sassy) ask a middle-aged black guy, "where do they sell Michigan stuff around here?"

"They sell it everywhere, honey," he answered.

"Oh good," she said, "because I'm looking for some baby wipes for my newborn."

OH HOLY GOD did we ALL crack up. The middle-aged guy was right along with us. The guy in front of me was practically crying with laughter.

The middle-aged guy said he hoped to see her again, and she told him they'd definitely see each other after the 17th so she could tell him about it again.

That made my night, right there.

Who, me?

Sep. 24th, 2007 09:35 pm
quidditchgrrl: (Atta girl!  You're a fount of knowledge!)
How to tell if your blood sugar is too low:

1.  You start to feel like you've had a couple Cosmopolitans...but you're in an exercise class.

2.  Clear sight is becoming a literal impossibility, even though you're wearing your glasses.

3.  You wonder where you should be getting some food from, but even though you're at a major shopping center on a main road, you can't remember where a drive-through might be.

4.  You're too afraid to go into Kroger or Target lest you be arrested for public drunkeness, and you're not sure you can say much aside from "ice cream, please."  Walking anywhere seems a bad idea, too.

5.  You have to hold the bill up very close to your nose to be sure you have $1 and not $20.

6.  You fall asleep in the drive-thru lane at McDonald's.

7.  The ice cream cone attacks you and you end up with soft serve in both your mouth and nose.  Hork.

8.  You make sure to take the back way home as you're not 100% sure about your driving skills.

9.  Peanut butter is your bestest friend, so long as you remain conscious enough to swallow it.

10.  Dinner never looked so good.

I think I'd rather be drunk...at least you can bargain your driver's license if you're busted for DUI. 

Imma go to bed...I feel like I've been hit by a Mack Truck.
quidditchgrrl: (Oh SNAP!)
*wheeze*

TDS's take on "the enemy of our enemy is our friend"?

That, my friends, is comic irony.
quidditchgrrl: (Crazy Colbert laughter!)
So.  Well.  So.

Leaving for NOLA Tuesday...never will I be so darned glad to get the heck outta Dodge.  Andy showed his arse yesterday, and it's a good thing he's worth more to me alive than dead, else he would be in for some serious physical harm.

Me, I plan to hit the talks my friends are giving, work out, swim in the rooftop pool, and take a few tours of the city.  Bring back photographic proof that George Bush hates black people.  Have a po' boy and some muffaletta.  Eat beignets at 9am on Friday at Cafe du Monde.

At least I have a good base tan from planting for six hours yesterday.  Sore, though, dang!  Today is a recovery day, for real.  I will never, EVER own a place where I have to do ANY yardwork.  Too much work is anytime I can't put my hands up to wipe sweat off my face.

I also ran face-first into a dumpster lid.  So I have a big slice on the bridge of my nose, and my eyelids are a little swollen.  Yargh.

OH - DC Madam - Susie Bright's take.  Ilu, Susie!  (NSFW ads in there)

Today is also Stephen Colbert's 43rd birthday and I'm discovering all sorts of gems - like Jon Stewart is God & Stephen agrees.  And seriously, if you've never seen the Responsible Drinking clip:





Another great comedian's birthday was yesterday - George Carlin.  You can find his 101 Greatest Quotes here.  My favorites:

--Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man…living in the sky,who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

--The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

--Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.

--And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute o fPancakes: It reads, and I quote, "Fuck waffles."   Muahaz.

That is all.  Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there.</td>
quidditchgrrl: (Deal with it!)


Surfing Fark provides all the amusement one needs on a Saturday night.

Well, all the amusement a person not able to drink can have.

First,
Ten verses never preached on If only the Sunday school teacher had mentioned these, I might have been a believer.  Or not.

Second,
The top 15 strangest coincidences.  As someone who experiences a lot of deja vu and coincidence, this is kind of cool.  I believe in the attraction of people and fate.

Anyone else think that Time's
Person of the Year is super-lame?  Way to cop out, Time-Warner.  We all know it should have been Stephen Colbert!  But he just mattered.

Today I got a Holiday card from someone I am most CERTAINLY not friends with, nor will I ever be friendly with again.  It was like looking at a scar - you see the mark, but it doesn't feel like it happened to you, really. 

Here are the
Top 50 Singles of 2006.  I'd say 99% of them are puke-worthy.  Though I do dig Gnarls Barkley and I love me some JT.  Shut up.

Ahahaha!  That Laffy Taffy song is on the list!  Can anyone tell me what the hell they mean by that?  I love misogynistic rap music as much as the next 'ho (as my addiction for David Banner's
"Play" shows), but even I couldn't make that out.

I had a massage Friday - painful!  Even my facial muscles were sore; how is that possible?!  But I'm not sore at all today.  I could get used to that.

I'm tired.

Hope you're having a good weekend!
quidditchgrrl: (Heh Heh.  Jon's mocking you AGAIN.)
I am a bad, bad person...

Because when I saw the link to this article, I thought, "there IS a god!"

But alas.
quidditchgrrl: (Not laughing at you)
Whew. Home from [livejournal.com profile] rlanto's birthday party. Poor Renee. :( She is going to regret the night she had!

Darned lucky I didn't take pictures of her hurling in the bathroom. :> I am evil.

As soon as I left, I called Honeybunch and thanked him for the times he's taken care of my drunken butt. Although I think the funny part makes up for the puking and the name-calling and the hauling them upstairs, barefoot, reeking of vomit. Doesn't bother me.

I did get a couple of pictures, if I can figure out how to get them off of my phone and onto the internets. Nothing too risque cause [livejournal.com profile] generalmanda and [livejournal.com profile] rlanto kiss all the time, however.

Tomorrow, supper at my sister's house with her uber-religious in-laws. Although I like Easter (I know! I hate holidays!), I am not so much with the religious commercialization. Say no to crack Cadbury's Creme Eggs!

Hope you all have a fun Easter!
quidditchgrrl: (Are you ready for HBP?)
I was grocery shopping today and they played an ad for HBP.  I had to stop for a second and have a moment of internal *squee* before I could go on.  There is so much between now and then, time should fly, hopefully.

Lately I've been having dreams about kissing various people.  Last night it was Kevin Smith, and he was critiquing my technique!  The jerk.  :P

That is all from this corner of the fandom.  Discussions about HBP are going hot and heavy at the Gryffindor Groupies Yahoo group.  Come on over and hop in!
quidditchgrrl: (Mo Cheeky)
Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again.

Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me:

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids'sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.

And finally...

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals...

For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on!
quidditchgrrl: (Rockin' the burbs)
There is someone in our library on every holiday to be sure that the drops are emptied, some shelving/dumping is done, and that at least one person's holiday gets the kibosh.

I do find amusement in my work sometimes, though.  Today:

--A $5 fine on a DVD titled, "Learn Personal Finance"

--Baby Beethoven on DVD, with two of the corners gnawed on (they say music soothes the savage beast, but Beethoven has little to offer a toddler with erupting milk teeth!)

--Returned: The Ovulation Method: Natural Family Planning For Prospective Parents

I did get to go out for a very yummy brunch with Andy, my sister & BIL at Holiday Inn on the Lane.  I was almost glad to go in to work, else I might never have been able to recover from eating so much!  :-9

And since this meme has been making the rounds, so I shall bleat away at it Song meme - I give you the title, you name the artist and give me a line or two of the song. No cheating! )
quidditchgrrl: (Nice Guy by more_than_us)
It's no wonder I've been a little spacey and off this week, [livejournal.com profile] littletort has stolen mah brain.

First, she posted this, which is the best STFU of the week.  We've all made faux pas, people.  Say sorry and move on, kthx.

Then, this.  Since I don't have an OTP, I don't need a shipper's pledge.  I reserve the right to pout if Harry and Ginny get together.  Ick.

I had a near-homicidal moment today getting my lunch, and [livejournal.com profile] littletort helpfully posted guidelines for eating at Subway.  These should be posted in every sandwich shop, next to the obligatory picture of Jared.  Or not.

Kristen, please return my brain as soon as possible.  I need it to keep the urge to kill in check for work.  :D

In other news, I'm not worried about frienditto - I am the most unwanky person ever.  And on the rare occasion I lock a post, it's locked up tight enough that I know those folks' home addresses.  I love LJDrama as much as the next person, but if you're stupid enough to give a random site your LJ name and password you do join frienditto, don't expect me to trust you with anything, ever.  'Nuff said.  :>

Randomly:  I am the only person in my age group who doesn't think the Killers are the best thing since sliced bread.  When I saw them a couple years ago, I thought they were okay, but man, now...I can't get away from them.  Yargh.

Get this

Feb. 23rd, 2005 10:28 pm
quidditchgrrl: (World's Smallest Violin by more_than_us)
Andy is mad at me.

Because he burnt the pizza rolls.

Men, so silly.

Grrr....

Feb. 17th, 2005 01:51 pm
quidditchgrrl: (Boys Lie by sra33)
You should never drink too much, then initiate sex with your wife.

You'll just end up with a sore prick and an angry wife, neither of which makes you feel very good.
quidditchgrrl: (let's hump by kristinlong)
*twitches*  I am hopped up on carbs and caffeine.  FEAR ME.  :>

Today I've had oatmeal, 1 1/2 bagels (one of those being a cinnamon crunch bagel from Panera :9), a Michelina's lasagna entree, 64396542500 Hershey kisses, 75236584684 conversation hearts, 2 Oreos, a handful of cheese balls, and 5 6 cans of diet soda.

*iiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeaaaa*  I would probably crash www.myfooddiary.com.  Muah.

This is the best I can hope for, since I can't drink anymore. 

Things That Rock )

Since I'm halfway through my annual re-read of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I give to you:

The 11 Habits of Highly Effective Geeks
quidditchgrrl: (Happy Monday)
How ironic is it that hallmark.com is down for maintenance?  You think they might have been working on getting things cleaned up last Monday.

These are so very, very wrong.  But super funny.  I couldn't even pick one (because, only one?!) to post here.  Muah.

I love Music Choice's Electronica channel.  Having a good beat in the background drowns out the voices in my head helps me think more clearly.  I'm gonna need that today.

Microstretch Keds are the greatest work-friendly shoe ever made. I am wearing my red pair today. Red shoes always put me in a better mood. Which is why I own five, no, six pairs of red shoes! :D

And no, no plans for Valentine's Day.  Commercialism and all that. Lack of romanticism on my part too.

Bah, boring.  Hope you all are having a great day!
quidditchgrrl: (HP Candidates by Madamotaku)
In case of terrorist attack!

*is weeping with laughter*
quidditchgrrl: (Default)
Dude, I just found a bit of a Hershey bar (from last night) on the computer console.

I forgot to eat it. O.o

My night is complete.
quidditchgrrl: (Funny Wil)
...who seems to think that having his 'nads grabbed for a few second is whinge-worthy. :D )

You know I loff you Damien! >:D< But you just can't work the reverse male theory in this venue. We women have cornered the market for physical suffering.

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